Perfect Parents

By Reggie Joiner  

There’s something that bothers me. A lot of Christian parenting books I have read start with the premise that there is an ideal mom or dad. These superparents conduct morning devotions, pray together every night, play contemporary Christian music, put framed verses on their walls, stay neatly within their biblical roles as husband and wife, vote conservatively and attend church every week, where they give 10 percent of their income.  

The problem is, I don’t find a lot of good parenting examples in the Bible. I am not dismissing “religious” parents. (I am sure the Pharisees would have made great revolutionary parents and could have been extremely focused on their families.) I’ve searched for some examples, but I just can’t find any paragons of parenting in Scripture. The Bible certainly lends advice about parenting, and there are a number of universal principles we should apply as parents, but you would have a hard time convincing me that David, Noah or Eli was an exceptional parent.  

Don’t even try to point at the Proverbs 31 mom. What was her name? Oh yeah, she didn’t have one. You say, “What about Joseph and Mary? They raised Jesus and He turned out okay.” This is true, but He had a divine advantage because of His real father. Adam and Eve might have been good examples had they not single-handedly caused the downfall of the human race and subsequently raised one son who killed the other.  

My point is this: Parenting is hard. Families are messy. There are no clear biblical examples. Anyone who claims they have discovered the secret to effective parenting is probably covering up something, just had a baby, or recently graduated from Bible College with a degree in youth ministry.

There is a degree of dysfunction in every family. Mine is no exception. When my dad was fifteen, he ran away from home and joined the Air Force to get away from his manipulative stepmom. My mother’s father and mother struggled with alcoholism and both committed suicide one year apart during her elementary years. Neither of my parents had the advantage of reading James Dobson or Gary Smalley books. They never attended a FamilyLife seminar. They simply got married (without any premarital counseling), had kids, and plowed their way through being family. The only thing that kept them going was their faith in God, and their love for my brother and me. As a result, their values of faith and family were effectively passed on to me.  

Unfortunately, they passed along a few other things too. Traits like control issues, stubbornness, moodiness, insecurities, tendencies to manipulate, and a few others. Why? Because they had bad parents? No, they are human parents. Human parents tend to have human issues. Human parents struggle with the humanness their own human parents passed down to them.  

It all started with the first mom and dad. Talk about a dysfunctional family. Adam was quick to blame Eve for causing him to fall into sin, and Eve passed the buck directly to the serpent. Then one of their sons killed the other one, and it all went downhill from there:

Noah had a drinking problem.

Abraham offered his wife to another man.

Rebekah schemed with her son to deceive her husband, Isaac.

Jacob’s sons sold their brother into slavery.

David had an affair, and his son started a rebellion.

Eli lost total control of how his boys acted in church.  

In comparison to the parents described in the Bible, mine were incredible. Has it ever occurred to you that maybe God filled the pages of Scripture with bad parenting examples to encourage us? I know God desires for me to be a responsible parent, but my humanness sometimes gets in the way. When I read the variety of Christian books about parenting, they often make me feel overwhelmed and guilty. If I consider my own inherent faults and personality quirks, I am not sure I have it in me to be an A+ parent. When I read my Bible through, I am actually encouraged, and I am definitely aware that God has a way of doing something incredible in spite of my faults.  

What would happen if parents began to see the family in the same way believers should view the church, as a human part of God’s design to demonstrate who He is to the world? Don’t miss the significance of that vantage point. Our humanness actually becomes the platform from which He demonstrates His power, goodness and love to His people. It is an amazing thought when you realize that both the church and the home are comprised of broken, imperfect people through whom God has chosen to tell His story.  

What if it’s not God’s plan for parents or leaders to restore the church and the home to be a sublime, utopian state? What if, instead, it’s God plan to do an amazing work with the church and the home in order to put His grace on display? Imagine the Supreme Creator visibly and actively involved in both entities—healing, loving, restoring and re-creating a broken people in order to demonstrate His glory and plan of redemption.  

God is at work telling a story of restoration and redemption through family. Never buy into the myth that you need to become the “right” kind of parent before God can use you in your children’s lives. Instead, learn to cooperate with whatever God desires to do in your heart today so your children will have a front-row seat to the grace and goodness of God.  

(Excerpted from Think Orange, © 2009 by Reggie Joiner, David C. Cook Publishing)  

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